What Every Mother Knows But Doesn’T Say About Being Pregnant
Everyone would like to view pregnancy as the beautiful, life-altering experience that it often is (on the whole). But what about all of the not-so-beautiful, wish-it-didn’t-alter-my-life changes, like stretch marks and craving baked potatoes with peanut butter?
Stretched-out tummy and ridiculous cravings aside, here are 10 tips you can’t expect to hear from mothers who have been in the trenches — partly because these comments don’t find a happy home in polite company!
- Big boobs aren’t always fun to have. Even if you have been longing to grow a cup size since the 9th grade, you may want to be careful what you wish for. Yes, your boobs may expand considerably, but no, that doesn’t mean they will be perky, flawless, or permanent.
- Big or not, boobs can leak. Especially when you are in your last few weeks of pregnancy, you may find out that leaky breasts are not just for breastfeeding mamas.
- Be prepared to be desired by your man. Men often have zero difficulty adjusting their turn-on factor to include you as an expectant mother. After all, you’re carrying their baby and you are one fertile hottie; rare is the man who will turn down sex with you just because you have to find a new standard position.
- Swollen ankles can make you feel like Granny. You will quickly learn the benefit of a quality pair of support hose, shoes that actually have padded soles, putting your feet up, and resting at every single staircase landing.
- Pregnancy hormones do exist, and you will know this for certain very soon. Mood swings are not just for adolescent girls anymore. You will cry, and you will scream about pretty much everything and anything.
- The “pregnancy glow” only exists when you are well-fed, well-rested, stress-free, and not depressed about having to buy only clothes that can stretch to twice their current size. Enough said.
- Your baby will kick you in the bladder or kidneys whenever it is most inconvenient for you. Thus, you can come to expect it while giving a presentation to your boss, sitting in traffic, or standing on one foot in the fitting room.
- Even regular exercise and a good diet may not keep your arms... and legs... and butt from expanding with your belly. There is a reason moms look back at their pre-baby pictures with nostalgia — that figure may never be seen again.
- You will start to think ridiculous things on a regular basis. What if the baby grows up to be a mime — could you be supportive? Will the grease from these French fries pass through the cord to the baby, and if so, would it make him less smart? Can the baby hear me and the hubby talk dirty?
- You may pee a little bit when you sneeze (or cough, or laugh too hard, or do just about anything). Note: pack a change of panties (or two) in your handbag in case of emergency.
Pregnancy ain’t always pretty, but at least with some of these tips you may be a little better prepared. Staying healthy while pregnant can be a true challenge, but armed with this knowledge, you can at least stay cool, calm, and collected!
Katie Brind’Amour is a Certified Health Education Specialist and freelance health and wellness writer. She enjoys blogging about friendship and life in the not-so-fast lane while chipping away at her PhD in Health Services Management.