Oh my gosh, I think I'm pregnant! No, really! It's as though it all became real this week and suddenly I have so much to do, and read, and plan! This week my 'little bump' became more like a small watermelon and now people can tell that I'm pregnant just by looking at me... crazy. It's not like I'm waddling or anything, if I wear large clothes it can still be disguised, but now people are finally ready to recognize this beer belly as a baby belly!

I have no idea how much weight I've gained (the midwife is weighing me backwards because of a history of eating disorders, and that's okay by me!) but it looks like most of it is going to my belly. It's funny the old wives tale that if you are carrying up front, it's a boy and if you are gaining all over, it's a girl. My SIL and a pregnant co-workers are both having girls and they haven't gained anywhere but their tummies, they still look perfectly pre-pregnancy everywhere else -- so much for that myth.

Last Sunday Colin and I were lazing on the couch watching The Aviator and I had my hand stretched across my belly. I felt a tiny thump that got my attention immediately, my head snapped toward Colin and I looked at him as though I was listening really hard for a sound. He leaned his head forward staring back at me intently...listening for whatever it was he thought I heard. I kept sitting there, waiting for another thump, Colin and I having a staring contest.

Finally he leaned in a little closer and whispered "What are we listening for?" Just then I got the double thump I was counting on. "The baby!" I said. Colin squinted, leaning closer, "What's he/she saying?" I laughed. "No I felt it move!" His face lit up and we both sat there with our hands on my stomach, I could feel quite a bit of activity but nothing Colin could detect.

It's funny because he seemed so, I don't know, removed, at the beginning of the pregnancy, but since I've started showing he makes it all so romantic. He'll lay with his head on my tummy, kissing it and telling me how happy he is to have a baby with me. He'll pull me into his lap and whisper excitedly "Can you believe we're having a baby!" and whenever I tell him what I've been eating or how the baby kicked, he gets this soft expression and thanks me for taking such good care of our little 'Thumper' as we have begun calling him/her. Sigh, pregnancy is finally started to be as great as I always hoped it would.

On the less-than-romantic subject of work, today is my last day here at the commercial mortgage lending company. Hallelujah! I am so relieved to be leaving, even if I don't know what job I will find as a replacement or in what field that might be. I did go ahead and sign up with a temp agency and hopefully I can at least stay busy -- and financial productive -- until I find something else. I day dream that something wonderful will happen and Colin will get a huge raise and I'll be able to stay home, preparing for the baby and eventually raising the baby, but we'll just have to see if anything like that is in my near future.

Colin works as a software programmer/tester and he told me not long ago of a girl in the production department at his work, who was just about to give birth to her baby. She was only 18 and unfortunately didn't have the support of any of her friends and family, and so had decided to give the baby up for adoption. She went into labor a month ago, had a baby boy, and gave him up.

Returning to work shortly after that, she gave notice. Colin had talked with her before about pregnancy and how she was really feeling, I guess they had become somewhat friends, and she told him it was too painful to remain at work where everyone knew her story and felt they could ask her or tell her anything they wanted, without any real regard for what she was feeling. It made me so sad, especially being pregnant myself, to imagine how hard it would be to give up the baby that you had held in your womb and imagined for 9 months. I feel so thankful for what I have and have such great respect and tenderness for the women who are brave and strong enough to give their child to someone who can do more than they can at the time. It's all so heartbreaking.

On a lighter note, I read a really great 'pregnancy' book this week. So far I've read just about every 'manual' out there, What to Expect When You're Expecting, A Good Birth, A Safe Birth, A Thinking Woman's Guide To A Better Birth,/a>, Heart & Hands: A Midwife's Guide to Pregnancy and Birth, Advice From A Pregnant Obstetrician: An Inside Guide, The Everything Pregnancy Book, not to mention breastfeeding books and so on and so forth, but then I found this really cute book, called Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother-To-Be by Rebecca Eckler.

It's a memoir of a writer's pregnancy and it is so cute and witty and so very true to pregnancy. I found myself laughing out loud when she thought some of the same insane things I had or freaked out about insignificant things like I can. It was a great find and truly entertaining, I recommend it to any mother-to-be, especially first time moms or the more, how do you say, unlikely moms -- such as me. Two weeks until we (hopefully) find out the sex of the baby and see her/his cute little face and body. How amazing will that be? PregnancyAndBaby.com


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