What Does Your Behavior Say About You?
What does your behavior say about you?
So, what are you teaching your children through your own behavior? Do you role model following your passions, or do you spend your spare time watching TV? Do you role model taking good care of your health, or do you smoke cigarettes, eat badly and get little exercise? Do you have a spiritual practice that is meaningful to you and moves you into your heart, or do you stay mostly in your head? Do you have a process for managing your conflicts with others, or do you tend to withdraw, get angry, resist or comply as a way to control or avoid conflict? Do your children see you avoiding life's difficulties with alcohol, drugs, gambling, spending, TV or other addictive behavior, or learning from life's challenges? Are you boring because you just try to be safe and maintain the status quo, or do you extend yourself and take some risks that result in aliveness and vitality?
A client of mine was recently struggling with the lack of passion in her life. I asked her if her parents were passionate about anything. "No," she said. "The smoked constantly, drank beer, and watched TV. They were nice to me, but they were both sick a lot and both died at young ages. I never saw either of them excited about anything." This woman in her late 40s had no idea of how to discover her passions and her life felt dead to her. Her husband had expressed a lack of interest in her because he actually found her to be boring, and was no longer sexually interested in her. This is what brought her to work with me.
Let's take the role modeling a little further. Are you honest, or do you let your children think it's okay to withhold the truth or even lie outright? Do you role model integrity, or do you behave in ways that you would not want announced in a newspaper? Do you stand up for yourself, or do you let others walk all over you? Do you tolerate abusive situations or do your children see you take action in your own behalf?
"Being there" is only half of good parenting
It's very important to realize that, while being there for your children is vital, it is only half of good parenting. The other half is being there for yourself with honesty, courage and integrity. It's not enough to treat your children with love. You need to treat yourself with love as well if you want your children to grow up knowing how to take loving care of themselves.
If your parents did not role model treating themselves lovingly, the chances are you don't know how to do it for yourself. Treating yourself lovingly is something that is a learned skill. Your children will naturally learn how to take responsibility for themselves -- for their health and emotional well-being -- as you learn to do this for yourself. Give yourself and your children the gift of the joy that comes from truly loving yourself!